


I Got All I Need When I Got You and I (I Look Around Me and See a Sweet Life)

by babytobin_horse



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 07:24:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4426496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babytobin_horse/pseuds/babytobin_horse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex Morgan fills all the gaps that Tobin didn't even know she had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Got All I Need When I Got You and I (I Look Around Me and See a Sweet Life)

Alex Morgan fills the gaps Tobin didn't even know she had.

Coming back from her injury and year of illness, Tobin doesn't expect to make new friends. Sure people had come and gone while she was out, and one in particular is a hot shot or whatever, but she doesn't care. All the midfielder wants to play soccer again.

But when she's greeted with bright blue eyes and "so you're the infamous Tobin everyone talks about," Tobin knows she's a goner.

Alex makes her laugh all the time - well anything and anyone can make Tobin laugh (something Lauren and Amy love and hate) - but it's the kind of laughter that fills Tobin's insides and leaves a warm feeling in her chest. She revels in the way Alex understands that Tobin speaks better though actions than words because it makes everything so much easier. Alex respects that Tobin enjoys the quiet; they sit in silence for hours and other times fill all the empty spaces with words and laughter Tobin didn't know she was capable of. Tobin puts up with Alex's top 40 playlist because - well, she kind of secretly likes it too. She sends Alex songs she plays on repeat, more often than not because they remind her of the forward. Alex makes her smile no matter what, and when Tobin's beyond the point of smiling, the younger one sits in heated silence with her, allowing Tobin to cool off.

To put it simply, they just click. Tobin clicks with Lauren and Amy too, of course. But this is different.

And so begins their friendship, and what Tobin eventually comes to know as unrequited love. It's hard to be Alex Morgan's best friend, bus buddy and anything-but-more-than-friends teammate, especially when they win and the striker gets shit faced because drunk Alex Morgan is much more touchy than the sober version. So Tobin prays. She prays to the Man Upstairs, asking Him to guide her through this. She asks that He helps her because she knows this is His plan and it'll work out how it's supposed to. Too many times she asks for Alex to love her back or to help her move on because it's just so difficult tip-toeing the line all the time.

Sometimes she thinks her prayers for Alex to love her back start to work. There are nights when Alex calls in the middle of the night, voice extra raspy because she's exhausted and tired from screaming and crying. On those nights Tobin lets her talk until she's all talked out and then she smoothes the forward to sleep, promising to call back as soon as she wakes up. Other times, Alex shows up on Tobin's doorstep with red eyes and the saddest expression on her face; Tobin sits her down and watches some cheesy movie Alex can quote line for line. One of the last times, Alex comes home to their apartment in Portland angry and tense; Tobin takes her out to voodoo doughnuts and belts out Taylor Swift to make her smile and let loose.

Except those times never last. Eventually, Alex's eyes shine brighter and her smile grows wider. She stops relying so much on Tobin and is already planning flights to Seattle or Houston or Kansas City. Tobin tries not to be too upset; in the end, she just wants Alex to be happy. So she smiles and nods and politely declines when Alex asks if she wants to tag along for the weekend.

They balance each other out. Alex has a temper, Tobin's almost always calm. Alex wants to be able to control almost every aspect of her life, Tobin goes with the flow. It shows on and off the field how well they go together. Alex beams when people tell her while Tobin offers a shrug with an "I guess" because admitting they go well together leads back to the wishful thinking of "we should be together but we're not."

Some of the national team knows. Lauren and Amy know, so do Ashlyn and Kelley. They keep Tobin's secret safe and close to their hearts because Tobin doesn't like to openly acknowledge it. But when it feels like too much and Tobin can't spend another moment with Alex without either kissing her or blowing up on her, she goes to them. They all hug her and promise her it'll be okay, and maybe one day Alex will see it too but right now Tobin's a best friend and she's a good one so it'll all be fine. She doesn't know what to do without them.

Mana knows, too. Tobin's never said it, but the young woman is wise beyond her years.

"You have great taste," Mana says one night when the team goes out for dinner and drinks.

Tobin blinks, tearing her eyes away from Alex and to her teammate. "Huh?"

Mana offers a teasing smile. "You look at her like she puts the stars in the sky, Tobs. She's your everything, isn't she?"

She could deny it. She could call Mana crazy. Maybe she could cause a scene. But she doesn't.

"Yeah," Tobin finally nods. "She is."

Satisfied with the answer, Mana takes a sip of her drink with a smile. "She appreciates you, you know. While you were in France she'd talk about you nonstop. She values you so much."

The information makes Tobin's lips twist up, but not enough for a full smile. She takes a sip of her own drink.

"What you have with her is special. I hope you never lose it."

Tobin only nods, eyes on Alex across the room laughing with Allie.

"Straight girls," the younger one sighs, looking at Tobin.

The older midfielder nods in agreement. "Straight girls."

They both drink to that.

And Tobin prays she never loses what she has with Alex. Alex as a friend is better than no Alex at all. Sometime between Tobin's big return to soccer and now, she's learned to become dependent on the younger girl.

Tobin's a homebody without a home. She hasn't really had one specific place to call home since she graduated at 18 and moved to North Carolina for four years. Yet there's something about Alex that makes her feel home without actually being home.

So when Alex's eyes light up when the prospect of a new league comes around after their Olympic 2012 win, Tobin can't help but feel excited too. A new place with new people and a chance to explore is exactly what Tobin lives for.

"I know you're going to France, but you're still playing in the new league when your season's over at PSG, right?" Alex asks, peering over at the midfielder.

Tobin is only half paying attention. She's busy playing fruit ninja on her phone as they wait for their flight. "Yeah," she mumbles, still focused on her game. "Why?"

"I was thinking, we should put the same choices for our cities."

This makes Tobin tap her game to pause it before looking up at Alex. "Oh?"

Alex nods, blue eyes shining brighter than a California sky. "I know you're into Jersey and Portland. I really want to go to Portland, too. Nike HQ is up there and it seems so cool. And I don't know," she shrugs. "Portland is so _you_."

Alex isn't wrong. Tobin's been looking more into Portland since the cities had been released to them. It's a weird city with interesting people. Tobin likes it a lot.

"Okay," she says after a moment. "Let's make Portland our number one."

The way the forward's whole face lightens up only makes Tobin more sure of her decision. She doesn't expect Portland to become her home - no, she's way past looking for consistency. It's a new adventure with her best friend, and there's nothing more exciting than that.

Portland does become her home, though. It happens so naturally and gradually Tobin doesn't notice until she returns from Paris the second time and yells "I'm home!" Really, it's the little things that make it home for Tobin - like how Alex drags her along to Ikea to buy furniture or decorations Tobin insists they don't need. Or how they take turns making meals, Alex packing extra snacks in Tobin's training bag because she knows the midfielder always gets hungry. It's how Tobin now has a place to go to after every national team stint, even in the off season because Alex says "Let's buy this place" at the end of the first season and Tobin says "okay" like she just asked to buy a bag of chips. And how majority of Tobin's possessions reside in the apartment rather than at her sister's place in the east. But most importantly, it's how every time Tobin so much as sees the apartment from the distance, her heart grows bigger and there's a slight smile on her face because there's a little voice inside her telling her she's home, that _Alex_ is her home.

Being Alex Morgan's best friend and only best friend gets easier over time. Paris helps, leaving distance between them because Tobin knows she's grown way too dependent on the younger girl. Being overseas teaches her to spend time apart. Kosse and Lindsey make it easy to forget about Portland and Alex.

She thinks she can do this until mid December into her second season with PSG.

Alex doesn't even tell her. No text or Skype call. Tobin's left to find out the next morning as she prepares for training and decides to check her Instagram feed.

 _#InstaBling_ the caption reads, but she doesn't need to call Alex to ask where in the world she's come up with that hashtag. The answer's in the picture where Alex proudly rests her hand on Servando's chest, a shiny bright ring on her fourth finger.

She's stunned into silence. It's not until then she realizes she has a message from Ashlyn while she was asleep.

**I'm so sorry bro**

Tobin stares at it for a long moment, then types back a reply.

**There's no reason to be sorry. She's happy.**

She sees messages from Kelley and Lauren as well, but knows she's not ready to have this conversation with them quite yet. Instead she pulls on her jacket and grabs her back, sitting silently in the back seat on the way to training with Lindsey and Kosse.

It's not until after training - after running until her feet can't carry her and dribbling until the ball gives out - that she messages Alex.

 

 **Quite a big rock you got there. Congrats Lex :)**  

 

She gets her reply when the forward wakes up.

 

**I can't wait for you to see it!! You HAVE to be at the wedding, no soccer nonsense! :)))**

 

Despite everything, Tobin smiles. It's a pained smile, but a smile nonetheless.

 

**I promise I'll be there.**

And she follows through over a year later. The wedding is beautiful, and more so Alex is beautiful. The whole night is so perfect and screams "This is Alexandra Patricia Morgan!" from every detail that Tobin simply chuckles and shakes her head at it all.

Her heart grows heavy during the ceremony, but Kelley sits next to her and gives her a supportive squeeze at all the right moments and it makes Tobin so grateful for friends that comfort her at all the right moments. A grimace plays her lips as the ceremony ends and Alex walks down the aisle, now carrying the Carasco name.

In a twisted way, Tobin feels like she's lost part of Alex forever. Even after Alex drags her to the dance floor during the reception and forced her to dance, laughing at how out of rhythm the midfielder is.

"I'm so glad you're here," she beams, eyes twinkling.

Alex looks so beautiful and perfect it almost makes Tobin forget why she looks the way she does.

"I made a promise, didn't I?" she raises an eyebrow and a teasing smile plays her lips.

The response makes Alex’s smile widen into a full out grin. Tobin feels like flying when she sees Alex’s expression. She likes making Alex feel this way. “You’re the best,” the younger woman says, her arms flinging around Tobin to pull her into a hug.

The midfielder only shrugs after hugging Alex back. She shrugs because she knows she isn’t “the best” that Alex thinks she sees. Tobin knows she’ll do anything Alex will ask of her, and that could be very dangerous. “I’m alright,” she finally concludes.

Alex giggles before being pulled away by family, and eventually Tobin finds herself at the bar alone because some new song came on and Kelley dashed off to find Ali so they could dance and go crazy. Tobin doesn’t really mind, she likes observing the party around her. Someone sits next to her, grabbing a drink.

“Hey Tobin.”

She immediately recognizes the voice as none other than Servando. She puts on a smile. “Hey dude, congrats. I’m so happy for you guys.”

He gives her an honest smile, trying so hard not to grin. Tobin finds it endearing. “I can’t believe I’ve managed to keep her around.”

And the hardest part about all of this is that Servando isn’t a bad guy in any sense at all. Sure, he’s not as good as Alex is at soccer, but that doesn’t matter. When Alex and Servando are together, her eyes light up in ways Tobin dreamed they’d light up for her. The same goes for Servando. He knows just how lucky he is to have Alex under his arm, and he respects everything about her. Tobin wants to hate him, she wants to pick out his flaws and prove why he isn’t good enough for Alex, but if she’s being honest, he’s pretty damn perfect for her.

“She’s a special one,” she finally nods.

They sit in silence for a few beats, Tobin hoping he’ll be pulled away or he’ll find a reason to leave, but the man speaks up again.

“Thank you for always looking after her when I can’t.”

It’s maybe the most difficult conversation Tobin has to have.

She shrugs. “She’s my best friend, I’d do anything to make sure she’s okay.”

“I know, and I’m glad because it’s been hard with her injuries coming and going,” he says in a low voice.

Tobin knows exactly what he’s talking about and lets out a sigh.

“She just needs to know she’ll get through it. I know she can do it and so do you. The hardest part is waiting for her to know she can.”

It launches Servando into a long discussion of how he knows Alex is stronger than her injuries, and how he can see her determination in her eyes every morning. Somehow, as her rambles on, Tobin finds herself relaxing. Servando loves Alex more than a lot of people seem to know. Tobin doesn’t think he loves Alex more than she does, but it’s an immense love nonetheless and she can respect that.

“She’s a fighter,” she finally says when he lets her get a word in. “She just needs to stop complaining so much.”

Servando laughs, loud and rich and it somehow makes Tobin smile a little wider than she expects.

Alex’s injuries are a difficult part of being by her side all the time, and it’s certainly tested Tobin’s patience. Yet she’s nothing but patient with the striker because she knows injuries take time, and although Alex has seen her share of injuries in the past few years, she keeps pushing too fast. Her MCL injury in late summer of 2013 sends her home crying almost every time she comes home from the doctor. Tobin takes her to and from appointments, makes her she takes her medicine and stays off that leg as much as possible (and then insists they’re “injury buddies” after a minor injury to Tobin’s foot). Alex’s ankle injury that follows leads to strings of curse words and utterances under her breath that Tobin either softly chuckles at or completely ignores, trying her best to talk Alex through it. Another knee injury causes Alex to throw around everything in their Portland apartment while Tobin’s in Paris out of frustration. Tobin reminds her there’s a World Cup coming up within the next year and if she wants to play, being pissed off doesn’t help. Another “minor injury” leading up to Canada makes Alex wonder why the hell she keeps trying. Tobin sits her down and gives her a serious talk - the best she can because she’s not very good at stringing words like this together - about how she’s Alex fucking Morgan and she’ll be damned if she doesn’t get her shit together because this World Cup is hers to win. Now minor knee surgery has her reeling.

“I just want to fucking play!” she screams out in frustration once they reach Portland after a long week of travel. “Why am I so damn fragile?”

Tobin laughs, finding it slightly adorable at how frustrated Alex is. “Maybe if you recover properly and stop trying to push yourself so hard, you’d last longer than a week to a few months without getting hurt.”

“Shut it,” the forward glares.

They both know she’s thankful for Tobin’s short words of truth spoken in times like these.

Loving Alex Morgan is difficult when you’re Tobin Heath. It’s something she’s done for years, and she doesn’t think she’ll stop anytime soon, but she thinks she’s starting to accept what God’s given her. One day there might be someone who trumps her love for Alex. There might not be. It’s all up to Him and Tobin gets that and let’s it happen because Alex Morgan is a gift from God all on her own that she doesn’t want to question at all.

“I LOVE THIS SONG!” Alex all but screeches, reaching over from the passenger’s seat to turn the volume up as Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” remix fills the car.

Tobin laughs, her megawatt grin making an appearance as Alex bobs her head and sings along. She has to keep her eyes on the road, but sneaking a glance or two at her best friend every couple of minutes doesn’t hurt. It’s so hard not to look when Alex is looking carefree and happy and just so genuinely Alex that Tobin wishes she could pull out her phone and get a video of this because she wants to remember Alex like this forever.

And maybe Tobin wasn’t ever supposed to love Alex like this, but there’s no doubt in her mind she’s meant to have this woman in her life. After heartbreak in Japan - Alex openly sobs the whole ride back to the hotel and even in her room while Tobin curls into herself quietly as the missed penalty replays over and over again in her mind; redemption in England - Alex picks up Tobin and spins her around, both sweaty and covered in a t-shirt screaming their latest achievement; a historical victory in New York - Tobin hugging Alex tightly from behind because they fucking did it, and even though it’s too good to be true, Tobin’s catching a flight to the other side of the world the next morning; and finally a long awaited triumph in Canada - Alex wraps her arms and flag Tobin as the midfielder lifts her up before they both collapse into a fit of giggles - they’ve stuck together through it all.

She’s been there for Alex’s highs and lows; she’s seen her grow into the soccer player and sensation she is today. And damn it, Tobin wouldn’t change that for the world.

Tobin loves and needs Alex Morgan, and she’s starting to understand that even though it’s not in the same way, Alex loves and needs her too.

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, hi. It's been awhile. I've had writer's block for this ship for awhile now, but I guess I'm back. I just got this idea last and started writing. It was supposed to only be a drabble, but it turned into this lovely little oneshot you've just read. The title's from Flashlight by Jessie J (or the way I like to see it, little aca-child Emily's song in Pitch Perfect 2), and idk, I just felt like it fit. Honestly I'm not really sure what I just wrote but I hope it was good enough for you?


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